Well, that’s not really a surprise

So, apparently Avatar sucks.  I think the title says it all, really.  I wasn’t expecting much when I saw the trailer before Inglorious Basterds, so my reaction the news is a resounding “meh.”

Still, what did people expect?  It looked fucking stupid to begin with.  It looked like a retread of “the Phantom Menace” (or worse, “Attack of the Clones”), with the whole style over substance thing.  I mean, really, look at these guys:

Are these the guys that the move-going public is supposed to think of when we see aliens?  To borrow a phrase from a Cracked article I read yesterday, are all the aliens just gangly humanoids now?  I figured by now, we’d get some cool shit.

A few years ago, video games got to a point where graphics just weren’t going to sell a game.  Sure, maybe some aspect of the graphics engine might, like physics or some thing, but for the most part a game is going to need real substance if it’s going to get any respect.  Look at the top selling video games of the past couple of years.  Almost all of them were innovative in some way (or they were, uh, Madden) and they added something to the video game community.  It’s not video game Shangri-la or anything, and it never will be, but it’s good to see the industry has moved a little bit beyond “pretty graphics sells games.”

Eventually, movies are going to have to man up and do this too.  Yes, some of this shit looks amazing.  I mean, just looking at some of the stills and short animations from the Avatar trailers today, I’m much more impressed than I was back in 2000 when Final Fantasy: the Spirits Within was announced (and I was stoked for that film, believe it or not).  However, like a lot of the critics are saying, the nice graphics are awe inspiring and all, but it doesn’t stop the fact that the movie is apparently boring as hell.

We’ve reached a point with CGI that neat little visuals aren’t going to cut it.  They were distracting in 2002 when Yoda busted out some mad lightsaber skills, but now, eh, we saw a muppet fight Christopher Lee seven years ago.  That’s the pinnacle of special effects spectacle right there.  Once you have a muppet duel Christopher Lee, with laser swords no less, everything else is going to seem pase.  We’ve seen the coolest thing ever already, so now everyone has to work.  Sorry everyone, George Lucas ruined it for everyone again.

So, let’s face it.  We’re passed the experimental stage with CGI.  It’s cool, it looks kind of real now, and we can do some awesome shit with it now.  So, let’s stop making gangly looking aliens and stupid looking monsters, because that shit ain’t impressive anymore.  Hate to say it guys, but you’re going to have to get back to writing scripts and doing some serious directing again, because even if you have Valkyrie-class Veritechs swooping in with perfect CGI to tear apart a whole army of Terminators, it’d better have a damn good story, of it ain’t worth my $9.

Stupid Monster Fridays

Welcome to the first entry of “Stupid Monster Friday” alternatively titled “Dumbass Fucking Badguys.”  It’s a new thing I’m trying to do once a week where I put up some of the moronic monsters, enemies and bad guys from video games.  The criteria for stupid isn’t just based on looks.  I also go for mechanics, looks and just overall idiocy in construction.

This week we look at Yorick, a little genius bonus joke added into Symphony of the Night (and later Dawn of Sorrow and Portrait of Ruin) that just didn’t really work.  It’s a pretty basic skeleton enemy that’s missing his head, so the developers decided to name him after Hamlet’s childhood jester.  Ugh.

Yorick first appears in the Inverted Castle in Dracula’s Tower kicking his running around like a fucktard kicking his goddamned head around.  He looks incredibly stupid, but he does a pretty good job of screwing with the player the first time he’s encountered.  See, he looks like a normal skeleton enemy, but missing his head.  Unfortunately for the player, Yorick’s skull kicking pattern is strange and can throw of a novice quickly.  Plus, that skull has knock back, and it’s no bigger than Alucard’s foot.

So, when Alucard first runs into this dumbfuck, he can easily get his ass knocked around the castle grounds by a guy who can’t find his dumb ass skull, if the player isn’t careful.  Of course, the damage is negligible, but Yorick can easily become annoying.

Fortunately, Symphony restricted him to only a few places, and had he stayed in that game, that would be fine.  It would have been a cute joke.  However, Konami decided the dumb shit should show up in Dawn of Sorrow, meaning he’s got a soul to harvest.  So, if you want 100 percent completion, get ready to grind your ass off with this bastard, because unless you’re Luck is high, you’re going to have to take at least 5 of these guys out before you get the damn soul.

Yay!  We get to grind a god damn joke to get a fairly useless bullet soul.  But wait!  It doesn’t end quite yet!  Portrait of Ruin requires you to grind the damn thing to beat one of Wind’s quests- quickly turning the joke old very quickly.

The sad thing is, Yorick could have been kind of cute, but unfortunately, Konami just decided to not let the joke die.  Funny once, stupid every other time.

A Little Balance Goes a Long Way

Some games revolutionize the genre.  These games drag the genre into the next level, whether the genre, and the audience, is ready for it or not.  Other games build and evolve the genre, adding little bits piece by piece until.  “Dragon Age: Origins” for the PC, X-Box 360 and PS3 is a game of the latter, which makes it feel a little dated and out of place coming out two years behind Bioware’s revolutionary “Mass Effect.”

“Dragon Age” takes place in a pretty standard fantasy setting, with some interesting subversions, following the tale of the Warden, who is tasked with stopping the Blight, a kind of demonic invasion.  The Warden, who’s name, face, sex, personality, race and powers are designed by the player, must gather allies to combat this invasion, while at the same time, fighting off a civil war that threatens to swallow up the Warden’s homeland before the Blight ever gets the chance.

Like a lot of Bioware RPGs, the real strength of the game lies in its excellent writing.  The plot develops an interesting scenario that balances a medieval political thriller with epic fantasy, which will make the story much more complex and entertaining as the player goes through.  The setting also contains some novel subversions of concepts of more idealistic fantasy settings, making the playthrough a little less predictable than more typical fantasy fair.

Of course, as is standard for Bioware, the characters are excellent and come complete with some of the wittiest dialog in video games.  While the characters are pretty stock for Bioware, the writers do enough to give them each little quirks which goes a really long way in making them distinctive.  The aforementioned dialog also helps in this regard, of course.  Each of the characters is well rounded and has hidden depths.  Even the big bad of the game, not counting the Archdemon (who doesn’t really count as a big bad), is humanized a great deal and is given reason behind his (very) foul and cruel deeds.

The best part of the game though, is that the character the player makes is always going to be different and the game will change to reflect that.  At the beginning of the game, the player builds their character like a tabletop roleplaying game, choosing sex, race (human, dwarf and elf), class (warrior, rogue and mage) and finally the background and these choices will determine how each story will play out.  The Broken Circle quest has very different dialog for a Mage, who grew up in the Circle of Magi, than for a Human Noble Warrior, who knew nothing of mages in his family’s castle.  This kind of interaction even extends to speaking with party members, as the Warden’s life and class before becoming who they are now will change the party member’s opinion of him.

Unfortunately, the game has some serious problems, which are made all the more glaring when compared to Bioware’s previous (and upcoming) games.  Combat is very unbalanced and is completely outdated.  The game plays like its still 2004 and decent real time battle systems are still a pipe dream.  While combat in Dragon Age is satisfyingly tactical, it can also be a bit of a bore when dungeons go from epic clashes against armies of demons to a boring slog through the same monsters you fought in the last room (only now you’re out of potions).

Combat is slow and plodding, and some dungeons, particularly in the Deep Roads, are difficult more due to attrition than any real challenge.  Also, balance has been completely thrown out the window.  Provided the player manages to keep the mage’s from killing everyone in the party thanks to friendly fire, most fights require almost no thought, and would be better served if the game was more of a hack and slash like Fable or God of War.  Boss fights, on the other hand, are mostly fought against brutally cheap giants who will require the player to micromanage every party member to make sure everyone stays healed and the mage doesn’t accidentally kill everyone.  There are AI options, not unlike Gambits from Final Fantasy XII, which work great for meat shields and are okay for rogues, but are utterly worthless for anybody who uses magic.  This is mitigated slightly for the PC release, which has a lot more hotkeys and the ability to go into an isometric view point, but those that are playing on a console are basically screwed.

Ultimately, none of that is a deal breaker.  The game remains suitably epic right up until the bitter (and I mean bitter) end.  It might be a slog sometimes, but it’s hard to argue against slicing through a whole army of psychotic demons, then stabbing a demon possessed dragon in the brain until it dies.  Dragon Age: Origins is still an excellent RPG with some of the best writing the genre has ever seen, marred only slightly be an outdated combat system.

Comic Book Tuesday

I was supposed to review Boondocks II: All Saints Day, but I just can’t find the inspiration to do it.  Quite frankly, it sucked.  The plot was boring and nonsensical and had none of the charm or humor of the original.  Some of the gunfights are pretty fucking awesome, but Julie Benz is no substitute for William Dafoe.

Over the break, I finally got to the comic book shop with my girlfriend.  I picked up the two issues of Fables I missed, the latest Batman and Robin and the newest Adventure Comics with Superboy Prime.  I only grabbed the issue of Adventure Comics to get a Blue Lantern ring, but the issue turned out to be pretty good anyway, even if it did star Superboy Prime.

All of the issues turned out to be pretty good.  The Fables comics were the weakest of the four I picked up, but it’s mostly because I grabbed issues from the middle of the arc.  So far, it’s a good arc with an interesting story about Frau Totinkinder going into the Falbes world, but with one issue left, I don’t know if it’s going to go anywhere.  The series has been kind of on a downward slope since the Good Prince a couple of years back, but after an fucking phenomenal arc like that, almost anything is going to seem like a step down.

Batman and Robin was the strongest of the four, but sadly, it was kind of the weakest of the series.  It was a good end to the Red Hood arc, but it was a weird one and that’s mostly because the art was just…off I guess.  I had a really hard time telling what was going on the whole time, especially near the end when Dick and Jason had their final fight.  I have no idea what happened.  Did Jason paralyze Damien like the Joker did to Barbara?  The text seemed to indicate that he did, but I couldn’t fucking tell from the art, since it looked like the bullets bounced off of his cape, but the perspective was so wonky, Jesus.

Anyway, it was good to finally get back to the comic book shop, especially since my local one closed a couple of months ago.  Plus, hey, I got a Blue Lantern ring.  Sweet.

I’m back and I’m rested

I took the past week off to rest a little bit.  Work had become really stressful and while I had some time to update over Thanksgiving break, I decided to take the time off to have a complete brain reboot.  I had just gotten way too tired and I figured that would be the best way to keep myself from going completely mad.  In the meantime, I managed to beat Dragon Age: Origins the first time, so I’ll have a review up on Thursday.  I also saw Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day, and I’ll have a review of that tomorrow.

In the meantime, I’ve mentioned a few times over the past couple of months that I’m replaying Final Fantasy XII.  Although it’s a controversial game in the series, Final Fantasy XII is my favorite Final Fantasy game.  It’s a bittersweet tale of magic and wonder, weaving dark political intrigue with traditional fantasy, dungeonpunk and some science fiction to tell a truly epic tale of love, revenge and politics.  I’ve mentioned many times that the setting really lets my imagination soar, but what really draws me in is the almost sorrowful way the game tells its story.  It has a happy ending, it is a Final Fantasy game after all, but there is a lot of  sadness in this game, and the characters are forced to sacrifice a lot.

Almost two years ago, a friend of mine once mused that all of the best stories are sad, even if they have happy endings.  I didn’t want to accept it at first, but the truth is, we don’t really accept “…and they lived happily ever after” as a legitimate ending after we’re 3 years old (because that’s the point in life we can start to ask “and then what happens?”).  I think part of the reason for this is because conflict is what makes stories interesting, and conflict will inevitably lead to some undesired outcome for at least one participant, but that’s not the real reason.  As humans, we have to sacrifice a lot to get where we are.  Not just time or money, but sometimes we have to give up things we truly love to get to a better place in our lives.  Sometimes it’s a hobby or something simple, or something important like a loved one.  When a protagonist reaches a better point without ever giving anything up, I think we feel cheated.

One of my favorite game of all time is Final Fantasy VI.  At the end, for reasons I’d rather not get into for spoilers, magic has to fade away from the world in order to save it from the psychotic clown Kefka.  It’s such a haunting and sad ending, but hopeful.  I played it when I was in high school, years and years after it came out, but it had a very profound affect on me, and it made me realize how much a heroic character will have to sacrifice to do what must be done.  After I finished that game, I had a better understanding of fiction, writing and characterization.

My three favorite games of the sixth generation of video game consoles were Jak II, Final Fantasy XII and Radiata Stories.  All of them had the heroes giving up something and sacrificing something they loved more than anything in the multiverse to do the right thing and save the world and help others.  I think that’s one of the many reasons why I loved those games.

Like the cruel angel without a sense of mercy…

It's here, and I got it early

Remakes are strange business.  On one hand, they seem somewhat presumptuous, even when done by the original director, as it’s kind of like saying to the source material “oh hey, you’re good and all, but I think I can do you better.”  At the same time though, it’s kind of cool to see a concept updated and looked at from another perspective.  Rebuild of Evangelion 1.01: You Are (Not) Alone manages to be a remake that is a little bit of both of those sides, and it’s a bit better because of it.

You Are (Not) Alone is a retelling of Neon Genesis Evangelion in a way that will, allegedly, redeem the characters and give it all a nice happy ending.  It follows Shinji Ikari, victim of emotional abuse from his distant father and ordinary high school kid, who is recruited to pilot an Evangelion, a giant robot, to fight off giant Cthuhluesque aliens called Angels.  Shinji deals with these invading horrors while dealing with the pressures of being 14, which is pretty difficult.

You Are (Not) Alone follows Shinji through his fights with the first three Angels, his training to pilot the giant robots and his settling in with his new environment.  After nearly refusing to fight the first time, he gets shacked up with his commanding officer, Misato, who acts as Shinji’s surrogate big sister, and he tries to come into his own.

The first thing about this movie is that the animation is absolutely gorgeous.  It’s amazing how beautiful this looks, even down to the most minute details.  The colors are bright and vivid, a welcome change after the somewhat washed out look of the original, and the movements are fluid and well crafted.

The character designs too, look more well developed.  Not exactly more realistic, or anything, just better drawn than they were, with more detail in the face and clothing.  Rei, the creepy emotionless girl, looked more human than she did in the original, which might be counter to her point, but I thought it was preferable.

Also good is the music.  Not just good, it is literally awe inspiring.  The movie wasn’t just content to remix music from the original score and call it a day, no, the music in this movie is some of the most epic movie music of the year.  Particularly near the end when Unit 01 hefts the giant particle sniper rifle to finish off the sixth Angel.  It has to be seen to be believed (and I can’t find a video, sorry).

Of course, as great as all of this is, it pales in comparison to the writing.  The Eva universe starts out the same, but it quickly goes in a very different direction, and this is a good thing.  The characters definitely seem like they’re on the road to recovery rather than nihilism.  Even Shinji mans up and kicks some serious ass.  Shinji whines still, yes, but it’s a lot more bareable this time, because it really seems like he’s actually going to come out on the other side this time.  Also the characters are still well developed and interesting.

Unfortunately, the biggest problem for this movie is that it will never escape the shadow of its predecessor.  It’s hard to look at this movie without thinking of the original.  Even though, so far, I’ve found it better than the original (which I love), it’s still always going to be compared to Neon Genesis, and the sequels will be as well.

It’s not that it’s inaccessible, in fact it’s a great movie for those who haven’t seen any Evangelion to start, it’s just it is a remake and it’s hard to look past that.  All of the actions of the characters, all of the music, all of the animation will only be compared to Neon Genesis.  It just will not be able to stand on its own.

There are other flaws.  The English voice cast is mostly good, and the returning actors are improved over their original roles, but there are still some really bad choices.  Justin Cook, who is very good mind, tries hard, but he just can’t capture Toji correctly, even if he’s leagues over the person who came before.  Dr. Igagki the younger also suffers a similar plight, and fortunately, she’s not in this movie as much (which is a plus all around).  Also, the first half hour or so is almost exactly like the first two episodes, with some scenes cut out and some awesome CG thrown in to make it look nice.  The real changes don’t come until much later and that’s really disappointing.

Also, it feels kind of short.  Sure, the pacing is great, but they’ve only introduced two characters.  Auska won’t even show up until part 2, You Can (Not) Advance.  That’s so lame.

Rebuild of Evangelion 1.01: You Are (Not) Alone is an excellent film.  It’s even better than the series it spawned, but because its a remake, specifically a remake designed to redeem the characters and rectify the problems of the original, it comes off as a little presumptious and will always be the Eva Alternate Universe where everyone’s happy and Auska has a new last name.

On Hiatus

I’m sorry, but I can’t finish writing this week.  I am completely and utterly drained.  I have a huge paper I have to focus on for next week and I’m just not up to writing anything.  I’ll be back next Wednesday, hopefully with an armful of comics to review.

In the meantime Check out this absolutely epic Let’s Play of Sonic 2006.  It clocks in around 20 hours long and the guys playing it played straight fucking through.  A full two hours of the game are loading screens.  That’s 10 percent of this fucking game.

I think this is the stupidest goddamn thing I’ve seen all day

…and I work in journalism.

I was reading Kotaku for something to write about, since I’ve had a long day spent working on the paper the whole time, when I found this, a gold-dipped PS3. I swear, why the hell would I wanted aPS3 dipped in gold?  Even if I had that kind of money to just waste on banal crap, I think I could find much cooler things to have my money commit suicide with.  Like a whole cluster of laptops or thirty televisions or something.

Since I’m tired as hell, and it’s already Wednesday, I’ve decided to just make a list of weird crap that I’ve found during my blog search.  The next thing I’ve found is a Mega Bear and Proto Bear.  Not stupid or anything, but pretty freaking weird.  I’d love to have those too, just because I love me some Mega Man.

I’m not the biggest fan of Bayonetta, because I think she looks weird as fuck, but this is even more bizarre: Russian Bayonetta.  A girl cosplaying as Bayonetta.  I just don’t get it.

Anyway, that’s it.  Yeah, crappy update, but I’m tired and I’ve been writing all day at work.  I’ll give you guys something more substantial tomorrow.

Summer Events

I’m a little disappointed I can’t be a dwarf mage in Dragon Age.  So far it’s the only real problem I have with the game.

So, I’ve mentioned before, although apparently not on this site, that I love Dark Avengers and I will buy all of the trades when I get the money to do so.  That might be several months, but it’ll be worth it.  By extension, I’m a pretty big fan of the entire Dark Reign saga, since it does a surprisingly good job of turning the entire Marvel universe on its head, and does it without making the heroes look like morons (House of M and Avengers Disassembled) or like complete dicks (Civil War).  Considering it’s helmed by the guy who wrote two-thirds of the series in those lists, it’s a pretty big surprise.

I’m not opposed to the big events in theory.  Hell, I don’t mind them year after year.  Considering these stories have existed for upwards to sixty years, something needs to shake them up every so often, why not put change up continuity every 18 months or so?  After all, it does a decent job of distracting the readers from the giant continuity snarls damn near every character is involved in (no it doesn’t).

Of course, this is all theoretical.  It’s nice to have huge, epic events all the time, where Superman devastates whatever powerful anti-god he’s fighting with Dethklok blaring while he’s kicking ass.  Unfortunately, this leads to severe amounts of fatigue, and the epic events start to feel like old hat.  Sure, alien invaders, crazy mixed up realities or Darkseid punking every fucker on the planet seems cool the first time, but by the time we get to the fifth one in a row, it’s starting to get old.

I guess that’s why I’m so surprised at how much I enjoy Dark Reign.  It’s…different, I guess.  Instead of a huge epic event, it’s a bit more subtle.  Sure, shit gets blowed up good and all, but the change was different than it was before.  Instead of something exploding, the good guys come back home to find the bad guys in charge.  I guess it’s not different, just a nice change of pace.

It’s also fun to see the heroes legitimately working towards a real threat too.  This is different than, say, Secret Invasion or Final Crisis.  In those, it was a forgone conclusion that the heroes would win.  Oh yeah, there would be losses, sure, but we all knew the bad guys were going to get their asses kicked hardcore.  Now, it’s not so sure.  The villains are the good guys and the heroes are outlaws, and it’s done with a lot more subtlety than Civil War (granted a brick to the face is more subtle than Civil War).  The heroes are desperate, looking for any edge to win, and even though they know Norman Osborne is crazy as shit and likely to melt down soon, that doesn’t mean they can get their world back.  I like it.  It’s fun.

Speaking of summer events and giant crossovers, my buddy Matt found this:

Bad ass, huh?

I bought it

Yes, it's very cool

At lunch today, I made my way back home to eat some Bagel Bites and try and 5-star Rock Band’s Master Exploder on Hard.  I had considered last night to sell a couple of games to pick up the game and while looking at my damn near unplayed copies of both Gears of War games, I thought “fuck it.”  I managed to pick up the game for less than a D&D book thanks to Vintage Stock selling the game for only $50 and getting $25 from the sold games.

I played through the opening tonight, after I played through some Final Fantasy XII (I’ve got Basch now).  It’s pretty cool, but it’s a tiny bit slow.  It’s not exactly a bad thing, but it takes a bit of getting used to.  Also, at low levels, combat is pretty limited, at least for a warrior, but my friends tell me that changes pretty quickly.  It is pretty fun though.  It’s hard not to feel like a badass when, as a barely trained noble scion, I tore through a whole fucking army with nothing but my mom and a dog.

The game also has an epic feel.  It’s not as grandiose as Oblivion, but it has its own grim charm.  Because of that grimness, it was pretty easy to choose my character: a noble knight in shining armor similar to Basch fon Ronsenberg from XII.  It was a toss up between that and a pragmatic mage.  Since I was playing FFXII, I decided I wanted more heroic knights in my game.  That, and I just played a character like that in Fallout and my Shadowrun character is also going to be like that.  So, you know, a bit of variety.  I think I’ll play a vile necromancer in my next game, just to get some real variety in my gaming.

Anyway, that’s it for tonight.  I’m tired and it’s been a trying week.  Hopefully I’ll have things straightened out soon, and I’ll be back to writing long, drawn out posts for everyone.